Motherhood-When You Can’t Be In Two Places At Once

I think it goes without saying that being a mom is the hardest job in the world. I always heard that term thrown around but never fully understood it until I was walking down the same path. That’s not to discredit anyone’s professional career or the hard work that is put into other professions. It’s just that motherhood really is a 24/7 lifetime journey. 

As I sit here in my baby boy’s hospital room (I previously wrote this) just a few hours after his first lip surgery that began the process of repairing his bilateral cleft lip and palate, I’m experiencing so many emotions. Not only have I felt helpless after he was in post-op, but feelings of worry, of hope, of being proud of him, but also feelings of let down. 

You see, somehow on this day it seems like everything was going on at once. We found out a date for his surgery less than two weeks ago and at the time this day was wide open. Nothing going on, at all. Well, aside from it being my brother’s birthday, but that gave me comfort in knowing it was going to be an ok day. 

Soon after we finalized everything for his surgery it seemed like that date became very popular, and specifically for our oldest son. His last baseball game was supposed to be the week before but due to some heavy storms they moved it, to guess when? Yup, the same day as my baby boy’s surgery. I also received a notice that it was also his kindergarten orientation that day. I’m still a little annoyed they didn’t give more advanced notice, but that’s another story. So here we are, two big events for my little guy and I’m stuck in a rock and a hard place. 

Now some people might be thinking, well what’s the big deal, it’s not like it was his first day of school and it’s not like you missed all of his games. And yes, that’s true, but regardless of how you look at it, this was the first time I wasn’t able to manage splitting my time for them. And I’d be a bit naive to think it will be the last. 

In most cases we’ve been able to work things out with going to something earlier or showing up a little later if they fall on the same date. But this situation didn’t afford us that opportunity, and it hurts. It hurts my mama heart to know that I can’t be there to support both of them at the same time. To know that we have to rely on others to step up and take care of them in our absence. To know that no matter how much you explain things to them and how much he understood the importance of us being there for the baby, he was still sad. 

It makes me think of other parents and how they aren’t always able to be there to share special moments because of certain circumstance, and it breaks my heart even more. In away, it makes me feel silly for being so upset about this one time. But then again these are my feelings, and our normal, and I can’t discredit that. 

I think what really makes me sit here and reflect is coming to the realization that there will be moments like this throughout our lives.

Moments when you can’t physically be two places at once (although wouldn’t that be really cool if we could?).

Moments were one of our children might feel let down by us.

Moments where a small achievement might feel like a really big one to them that we can’t always be there to share.

Moments where having more than one child becomes difficult because managing time becomes harder and harder.

Moments where I know as they grow and become even more involved that Eric and I will be pulled in many directions.

Moments where I wish now more than ever I could figure out how to make time stand still so that I can be the best that I can be for them.

Moments where I know as they grow older, and become independent, the reality is, one day they might not even live in the same state as us (ok, can that day just not happen and we all continue to be one big happy family). 

Then I have thoughts of reassurance that I am being the best that I can be for them. That it’s ok to show them that I have feelings and emotions. That I am sad when I can’t be there to support them 24/7, but that’s also life, and reality. That cheering them on from afar will always be something I will do and that they can feel supported even when we can’t physically be there.

That moments like this are stepping stones and learning experiences for us. One day we might remember this and be able to help them out as they grow and have their own families. To know that giving your best, and being there for what you can, sometimes is your best. 

I have to think that many parents have been in similar situations where your time has to be split. I would love to hear about how you manage it or how I can better prepare myself as they continue to grow and get older. I’m sure it’s never easy but us moms somehow always find away to make things work.